The month of AIR

The fall is always a crazy time for me. School starts, it is craft fair season, the days get shorter and the to-do lists get longer. There is a sense of urgency to grow and collect what I can before the world sleeps for the winter. My energy seems to drop in time with the thermometer. Work harder, work faster. Hurry up, get it done. It would've made so much more sense to start my vision quest in January. But Whitney is here now and if I want my life to be different, I need to be open to change. I have known for many years that we learn more from the challenges in life than we do from the joyous times. So, I stood in my rawness and dared karma to bring it on. I had no money to pay her, but set up an automatic withdrawal. I would learn as much as I could in as short a time as possible. It made sense to my left brain as well as my right.
 
Whitney challenged me from day one and pushed me to do what I had longed to do for some time. Reach out to the people that I already have who believe in me. Believe in myself. See my own potential. How could she know that they wouldn't say, "no"?
 
The theme for the month of September was Air and Whitney's challenges were the winds of change. I began to understand my need to create in ways that could be explained neurologically which substantiated what I had known spiritually. I was prioritizing for my right brain. I was sharing and creating. I felt liberated, free, worthy. The first three weeks of September I was able to laugh to myself when life threw me curveballs. I could take a deep breath and greet opposition with love. I had done more, grown more and felt more than I had in a very long time. The wind was beneath my wings.
 
Sometimes, though, when a swirling breeze gets moving too fast it can become a tornado and as October 1 grew closer I found myself smack dab in the middle of a vortex. My left brained, OCD, raging control freak was in major rebellion. My family was in the middle of a financial hemorrhage and I was supposed to take a personal retreat day?! My soul begged me to just stop and be still. I knew that, more than anything, I needed to be quiet, to create, to spend time inside myself with the divine. I would love to tell you that I listened to my inner call and that life  went back to beautiful, but unfortunately I cannot.
 
I gave myself 45 minutes to meditate and play my crystal bowls and then I took a shower and gave away my power. I returned to the hustle and multitasked my way into total overwhelm. Balance is out there, I've experienced it more this month than ever. Just because I'm not where I thought I would be does not mean I am off track. Major steps have been taken and that is enough. I am enough.